I know she’s waiting when, despite myself, I attack and she’ll say for me Christ died.

And then only too well do I know the sudden cold uncomfortable feeling I have inside.

 

I know her and I know, she won’t bring up the subject herself.

So why can’t I let her Christianity stay, sit upon its shelf?

 

I’m angered, unknowing why. She has a peace, a certainty, a sense I can’t ignore.

No matter what I have or haven’t done, achieved, won or lost; I still feel there must be more.

 

I laugh when trouble strikes. Triumphant, I state, “Ha! Where’s your God now? Look what’s come to you!”

Her response: an explanation? “God never promised no problems, only to help you through.”

 

I smile smugly, knowing. She has nothing real, tangible. She’ll soon fall and crumble.

But she smiles back, genuine. “Seek first the kingdom and all else will be added.” I sit in silent grumble.

 

I know and will occasionally admit, she has something that I lack,

But despite this, I don’t surrender. A question then: what holds me back ?